No matter if you met online, through friends or family, if the question has been popped and you think you don’t know him enough yet to respond, pause. Doesn’t matter if he just has suggested to move in together, or get a puppy to gather or has gotten on his knees and as you to marry him, it is a big deal! You really should have ask him a dozen questions before entering into any kind of serious relation. Luckily we have figured this out too. Just make him answer the following questions and you shall be good to make a judgment and reach to an informed decision.
1. Does he smokes or drinks? How much?
Addiction of any kind can damage family structures. Previous history of addiction can often cause relapses. Know where he stands on this.
2. What are his standards for privacy between a couples?
This will let you know if he a controlling type or a paranoid person. Look for red flags. Ask him how much he shares about his personal life with his best friend or parents. Explicitly ask him, how involved his best friend is in his life. You don’t want an annoying third wheel living on your sofa, fishing through your fridge, for free.
3. What ground rules he would like to create in family dynamics after marriage?
It is important if you are career oriented. It will also let you know how supportive he will be towards your passions. Ask him how he plans to share bills, household responsibilities and expenses towards circumstances which are not mutual, for example additional expenses if your parents are to stay with you for a week or so, or if he needs to get a new car or lending money to a friend.
4. What are his thoughts on planning a family?
It is important for obvious reasons. You two should be on same page regarding this one. If you want two kids and he wants six or vice versa, this might be the time to look for a compromise. Also ask him when exactly he wants to start having kids and preferred age gaps between the kids?
5.What are his thoughts on financial responsibility?
This one is no brainer really. You are an independent women who might be in position of financially supporting yourself, even him or may be even his entire family! but that doesn’t mean you should! Ask him as many questions around this topic as you can think of.
6. What are his plans if he loses his current job?
Financial security is very important in order to have a happy family. You need to know if he is far sighted and prepared for the odds. I am in the moment-kind of guy’ is never a good answer. Ask him about back ups, he need to trust you with such information even if he is a private kind of person. You both are in this together after all.
7. How he plan to manage his money?
This one goes with the previous one as the long term financial planning is key to a healthy, successful, happy family. Is he supporting any family members? his mother? is he paying any child sport? How much of his earnings go towards savings? How much spends on entertainment.?
This will answer possible treatment you would receive from him after the married life sets in.
9. What are his thoughts about a man’s role in household?
If his ideal do not match yours in this regard you might want to reconsider the proposal otherwise you are in for never ending disappointments.
10. How he defines domestic violence?
This is very important question. His definition will define how secure you will be around him. Pay attention to his answer.
11. If he is in contact with any of his ex’s or female friends? What is the nature of relationship?
Answer to this question is loaded with his tendency to cheat in future. Reading between the lines is encouraged her and standard rules for lie detection are to be applied.
12. Who are his best friends and what do they do for a living?
A man is known by company he keeps. If closest of his friends are jobless, stay at home gamers, good chances are he is inclined towards such things too. If he is friends with some settled or serious professional lads probably he will turn out fine too.